3 Reasons Introverted Women Are Not Harnessing Their Introvert Strengths
As we took turns around the circle to introduce ourselves, my heart was beating extremely fast. I kept thinking, “What on earth brought me here to do this, my answer will make me a weirdo”.
“Patience your turn, Tell us what you would like to take away from this 12 weeks of mindset and well-being coaching” the voice of the coach snapped me back into reality.
This is it, my weirdo moment, I had to find the courage to say it.
I said, “I want to know who Patience is”.
Surprisingly, she agreed to help me find the answers, even though she stated that: “in her many years of coaching, no one had ever had such a goal”.
It is difficult for someone else to tell you who you are.
Strangely, we all let people define us or stop us from figuring out what only we can do for ourselves.
I felt like I was walking around all my life wearing a mask that no one could see but me, this mask was now creating an identity crisis to the point where I was self-loathing all the time, rejecting myself and consequently not knowing who or what I was. I hated being introverted yet wanted to embrace that side of me so badly.
What a dilemma
Thankfully, this opportunity to voice out my desire began a quest for self-acceptance.
This question was driven by frustrations and fears. Frustrations that despite being highly driven, my life was not full of the freedom and fulfilment I wanted and I was looking to others for validation yet failing miserably at getting any.
Fears that I would get to the end of my life without discovering my true purpose and full potential. Intuitively, I felt uneasy that every path I was following up to that point (my early 30s) didn’t seem to be leading me in the right direction.
Outwardly I was to be envied and had it all together, well figured out
But the unease and questions plagued me.
What if I died tomorrow, would I have lived well? That was the catalyst for the quest. This was my first experience of coaching and I pinned my hope on it to get me answers.
It was a great start, that quest has brought me to this point in my life that has led me to fully embrace my introversion, and live a life I now find fulfilling and dare I stretch to say mostly full of self-love, empowerment and happiness.
Recently, I took an Institute of Leadership Quiz which looked at 5 dimensions of Leadership.
My top score was in AUTHENTICITY.
This has validated my statement that
“Introversion gives me purpose”.
Also, I have now taken off the mask that hid my true self.
My mission for the last 3 years has been to help other introverts own their introversion and harness their strengths.
I have poured out all my learnings into creating resources and programmes to achieve this. My recent ones are the WIN YOUR DAY JOURNAL and HARNESS YOUR STRENGTHS PROGRAMME
In the process, I have discovered some key insights into the reasons Introverted women (and even men) are not harnessing their strengths to thrive. I want to share the top 3 with you.
Self-Awareness and Self-Doubt :
When you don’t really know yourself you cannot appreciate or seek to validate your behaviours and potential. This means that you are plagued with a lot of self-doubt.
Introverts may sometimes underestimate the value of their strengths, especially in comparison to more outgoing or extroverted qualities. This self-doubt can lead them to downplay their strengths and hesitate to put themselves forward in situations where their strengths could shine.
I sometimes even hear introverts say “Well you can get cured of your introversion at some point in your life”.
They miss the point!
Introversion is not a disease or disability to be cured. Of course, there are times when being introverted makes things challenging for you.
But, this is because the majority rules i.e. according to research society is 55% Extroverts and 45% Introverts. Furthermore, it is those who shout the loudest or get in your face more that tend to get their way. These presumably are not usually introverts.
You overcome barriers or dominate the challenges that come with introversion, not by seeking a cure, but by prioritising the quest for self-awareness, increasing the knowledge of your strengths and how to harness them to thrive.
As the saying goes:
“don’t ask for things to be easier, instead ask and seek to be stronger. The more you know yourself, the more you can grow your strengths and the more you grow and use your strengths, the more you decrease self-doubt and increase self-confidence”.
Perceived Societal Norms: Introverts might feel pressure to conform to extroverted societal norms, particularly in fields or environments that seem to reward more outgoing behaviour. This pressure can lead them to suppress their introverted strengths, believing that these qualities are not as valuable or effective.
For example in meetings, as an introvert, you are attuned to listening and thinking deeply about things. The host and participants might assume that this means that you have nothing to say and will hurry along and bypass you.
You on the other hand might also be overthinking how you will find the right words to present your thoughts and ideas as you need time to formulate them.
This need for time can mean that opportunities escape you and you lose your chance to shine.
I recognised this challenge in my own corporate career and even now as an entrepreneur navigating the challenges of networking.
I also noticed it with my earlier clients and this has led me to create holistic resources, courses, programmes and coaching styles that help you increase your capacity and capability to speed up your thinking and talking to gain the opportunities you desire.
Avoidance, Comfort Zone, and Fear of Visibility:
The sense of relief that comes from being able to escape extroverted activities which increases stimulation and discomfort for introverts can cause avoidance.
Introverts might stay within their comfort zones to avoid uncomfortable situations, even if those situations could provide opportunities for growth. This avoidance can prevent them from stepping into roles or situations where their strengths would be particularly valuable, hindering their overall development.
Introverts also often feel more comfortable in quieter, less visible roles. They might avoid situations that require them to step into the spotlight, share their insights openly, or engage in more extroverted activities. This fear of visibility can lead to missed opportunities for growth, impact, and recognition.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this newsletter, I hid behind a mask that no one but me knew existed. Although I stayed safely hidden from criticism and judgement as much as I could, I was in discomfort about missing out on the growth opportunities around me.
As they say “No risk no reward”
Just like me, you need to remove this mask. You need to step out of your comfort zone, discover your introverted strengths so that you can step into your full potential and step up to be seen, and heard and live a fulfilling and thriving life.
I won’t tell you it’s easy, but I most definitely will tell you it will be worth it.
Having been on the journey and working with other clients to take off their masks, to reveal their brilliance and embrace their introverted strengths, I put together a cracking programme that will help you do all the same in 6 weeks.
Harness Your Strengths for Business Success is for Highly Driven Introverted Women who want to embrace their introversion, celebrate their brilliance and build aligned lives and businesses around their true selves.
Are you ready to do this?
Apply for my third cohort of Harness Your Strengths for Business Success Programme Starting in October 2023. Only 10 spots are available.
Conclusion
It’s important for you as an introverted woman to recognise these challenges and actively work to overcome them. By increasing your self-awareness, embracing your strengths, stepping out of your comfort zone, understanding the unique value you bring, and intentionally seeking out situations that allow you to shine, you can thrive in both your personal and professional lives.
Have a wonderful end to AUGUST, let’s start September feeling strong
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